DeAnna King, Certified Life Coach, Reiki Master & Yoga Teacher, ERYT-500, YACEP

As I’m packing for my trip, I can feel my anxiety increasing slowly, but steadily. My mom forgot to pack up my son’s swim trunks from when he stayed at her house and now I don’t have a spare pair for him for our trip. Anxiety demons are approaching! Now, I have to go and get them, when really I don’t have the spare time today! Anxiety, doubles, again. I can’t believe I hadn’t realized this until now. I should have, I should have, I should have! I don’t do things like this! I don’t forget. I don’t drop the ball. Ever. On anything. That’s the rule.

When other people “drop the ball,” they are “just human.“ But if I drop the ball, I’m a bad mother. A piece of s*** for a human. Unprepared. Unintelligent. Not enough class to know what one would need for a trip like this. Finally, a little voice says “If you fail, you will prove them all right.” All of the people who had terrible things to say about me when I was young. All of the people that I loved who have shot down my dreams. All of the people who, in someway or another, told me that I was not good enough, and never could be. I can’t drop the ball, because then that would make them right about me. Right?

Trying to make a plan with my mom and feeling so anxious and tightly wound, all while knowing that that is coming through my voice. I now hear her laughter, snickers and telling my sister how silly or ridiculous I am. I’m silly and ridiculous for being me. Of course, I have no idea if that is how they responded, but that’s what’s in my head. And then I think, I can’t believe at 42 years old I have not overcome this… And then I feel ashamed.

Sound familiar?

We become perfectionists for many different reasons. When you mix a drive to be a high achieving person combined with beliefs that we need to be perfect to be loved, and then add a fear of failure and a need to be in control, you can have quite the mess. Maybe that is not your exact recipe for your version on perfectionism, but there are lots ingredients that could be added, like social comparison and having a critical upbringing. But, no matter your list, there are things that you can do to work through perfectionism.

For starters, you can work towards self-compassion and patients. Try bringing in a gentleness that you would have if you were talking to a struggling friend. Try to challenge your beliefs. Do I have to be perfect? Is everyone watching me? No, and no. Give yourself permission to be human. Laugh when you mess us. Celebrate the small wins. Try to embrace your imperfect you!

Healing perfectionism is a gradual process. Cultivating a mindfulness practice can go a LONG way in helping you get there! Do you know what else can help? Getting a Life Coach! Having a cheerleader, sounding board, advocate, strategic partner and accountability buddy all in one is definitely going to help you out on this journey. If you are interested, give me a call.

DeAnna Clark King, CLC, RYT-500, ERYT-200, YACEP

DeAnnaKingLifeCoach.com